Matt Musings on Myspace

So, I've joined the throngs with a page on myspace.com. Check it out. Maybe . . . be my friend.

http://www.myspace.com/mattmusings

I chose the name myself :-)

Our Day in Court

Today is a big day in our lives. We went to the courthouse here in Prague 6, the district where we live, and the judge made our adoption of Anna official! In about a week, we should receive by mail the official papers to 'seal the deal', but this was the decision that secures our legal status as a family once and for all.

Of course, there will still be more to do. Once that paper comes in the mail, we have to return to the courthouse to have it stamped (Czechs love to stamp official things). There will be a few more steps after that, but in the end, she'll have new documents and a Czech passport. Then, we just have to get through the rest of US immigration . . .

How to be a happy dad

How to be a selfish, angry dad

"What must I lay aside so that God can really find his unique place in my life?"
- Taize Monthly Reflection: January 2007, http://www.taize.fr/en_article167.html

I find myself feeling angry with disturbing frequency these days. I think at base that I am mourning the loss of the life I had before parenthood (remember that anger is one of the manifestations of grief). I love Anna and would trade nothing for her, but there is also loss involved in welcoming a toddler into our lives. There has been a major disruption of how we live on just about all levels. I see much good in that – I am learning and growing a lot – but also much pain. I think it is good to acknowledge the pain of loss.

Much of the loss is a loss of the ease with which I could satisfy my selfishness. Looking back, I had a lot of free time to indulge myself without it really affecting relationships, ministry, or work. Now I have outward demands and responsibilities that make it much harder for me to be selfish. On a practical level, we have this little person who is dependent on us 24 hours a day, seven days a week. That is a reality that only sank in for me once Anna was home.

I have a couple of dad friends who have spoken with me about feeling selfish. I feel selfish, too. The good news is that I don't think that I (and probably they as well) am any more selfish now that I was before, but now my selfishness is more frustrated. In fact, because of this change in our lives, I am probably less selfish than I was before, if only by default. I am less able to satisfy my selfishness.

Perhaps this loss of selfish-time (for lack of a better term) is, for me, another step in maturity. Learning to live without as much space for my selfishness is/could be one more step in moving beyond myself toward others and toward Christlikeness. I hope so.

Anna says 'Amen'!

I know I have been terrible at updating this blog since Anna came home. I would love to now tell you all the wonderful, frustrating, cute, and stinky things that have happened, but instead, let's turn to this morning.

Before Annas meals, I have been leading us in prayer. She's starting to catch on to the concept of putting her hands together [I fully recognize that prayer does not rely on our bodily position, although it can be an aid to concentration and putting ourselves in a receptive posture]. We end with 'Amen' also, and she has just started trying to say 'Amen', although it started out sounding quite a bit like 'Anna' at first (Hmmm).

This morning at church, there was a time for anyone to offer prayers of praise and thanksgiving. This is common at our church, and prayers were offered in several languages. At the end of each, we all said 'Amen'. After several of the prayers, she sounded out with an 'Amen' about 2 seconds after everyone else. After that, she was saying 'Amen' or 'yeah' during and after the prayers.